Monday, February 27, 2012

The Ballad Of Plunkett

Saturday night, I read an excellent blog by my friend Shelli about losing friends through the trails of time and death. I commented on that blog stating that I enjoyed her blog but I never had a close friend die on me. Little that I knew was that comment became a premonition. Playing on another stage was looking on the net for an old friend from my undergrad days in SUNY Stony Brook.
I was looking for Mike Plunkett whom most of us called "Plunkett". I was called "Chuckles" by those in the same circle as us (a worldplay on my middle name; Charles). Last time I spoke to Plunkett, was in late October of 2006, when the Mets shit the bed in the NCLS against the Cardinals. I called Plunkett in which he lived in his modified bedroom in Smithtown, Long Island since 1994. He told me that he has been sober for the past three years, he buried the hatchet with a couple of people he had a grudge with for the past 11 years. Things were looking better for him-- he was starting a new job after so many years without one. He told me that he was going to get a computer and look for me on the internet. After a while looking for him, I assumed that he would find me-- but that day never came.
Plunkett was the master jokester, the pride of a group of people we were part of-- "The Irish Mafia". Plunkett and I would do these impromptu skits out of nowhere. His timing and delivery was impeccable-- much better than mine. He had a voice that reminded some of a "bad Bill Cosby" to me it was more like a nasal Gilbert Gottfried with a touch of Lewis Black- almost like a white Chris Rock. He looked a little bit like me, stocky with round head with thinning hair and wearing a goatee. He also had on these wire rimmed glasses, and sometimes wore an olive coloured jacket. He had mild CP, so he had a cane-- actually a sheleileigh he called O'Shaughnessy. Plunkett and I would go into these impromptu skits, sometimes with a third guy Steven West who was the straight man out of the trio. Plunkett and I would say funny shit cracking each other up or cracking up the people around us. If people weren't around, we would see if West can crack up. In the early 90's, the three of us attended SUNY Stony Brook-- 35 miles East of Manhattan.
We were part of a bigger outfit called STAC (Students Towards an Accessible Campus): a student run organization serving disabled students on campus. 80% of STAC were of Irish background and the Italian Coordinator of the Special Needs Program on campus labeled us the "Irish Mafia". We were a service group on campus but by the way we acted sometimes we should have been a fraternity. There was a core group within the Irish Mafia-- me and Plunkett were within this core. Plunkett was like the master improv artist, I was more into the one liners-- a few did hit. I also did these little underground cartoons. Like Terry Gilliam of Monty Python, I was the aminator --Plunkett spun the ideas. There was the classic "White Men Don't Hump", "The Nose Picking Society" and one in which was a parody of a Life cereal commercial in which it ended with the line "Holy shit, he ate the fucking box!". Plunkett also did these one man acts in which he sang his version of "The Candy Man": "Who can take a glass rod? Stick it up his dick? Break it with a hammer and smash it with a brick? The S&M Man! The S&M Man! The S&M Man likes to inflict pain, 'cause it feels so good!"
When I left for Grad School in Buffalo in the Fall of 1994, I left the Mafia behind but the rest remain. Plunkett got settled in his modified room that he rented. There was a darkness about Plunkett that remained hidden behind his jokes and dirty versions of songs. Plunkett liked to drink-- on occasions when we went to bars, we would order a pitcher for the two or three of us. Plunkett would exclude himself from us and order his own pitcher for himself and at times drink straight from the pitcher! Plunkett would also tell me of his family. He had two siblings, both almost twenty years older than him. When Plunkett was in his late 20's, his mother (father had recently died) was in her early 70's. Both his siblings bore this responsibility of being the head of the household even though Plunkett always held the bag.Plunkett also often complained that he was treated like a kid, and felt like he was walked on by everybody else. On top of that were his failed relationships, one girlfriend of his confessed that she wanted a sex change in the middle of the relationship. He stuck his troubles down the bottle like most other alcoholics-- and he had his drunk moments that almost and sometimes led him into trouble. So I was relieved on that night when he told me that he was sober for three years and made ammends with the past. He was going on into his next stage of life-- the jokes were still there in late October of 2006, but something lacked and I didn't know what. We said our goodbyes, made our promises and hung up.
A few years ago, I stumbled onto Facebook by another member of "The Irish Mafia" he's Puerto Rican, but can write these incredible limericks like his name was O'Malley! As I was finding lost members of the Mafia on FB, I noticed Plunkett wasn't around. Two years went by on FB with no sign of Plunkett. Meanwhile it was like I was back in Stony Brook in 1993 again spitting out one liners and writing blogs in place of the cartoons I did. But it just wasn't complete, Plunkett wasn't there! Sunday night, unknowingly reading Shelli's blog the night before, I decided to go on other sites to look for him. I stumbled onto his name on the White Pages site. Everything that I knew about him match, the age he would be, where he lived; but when I clicked his name I had seen the words "Deceased in 2009". Wait? What? Plunkett's DEAD!?! To confirm his death, I went on the Social Security Death Index (SSDI)-- and there it was. His date of birth was there as well as his last known address in which there is a large cemetary. The cemetary was military but Plunkett's father was a WWII veteran and was probably interred next to his father. There was an address that was listed previous to his last-- Smithtown, NY, and I remembered him living there. Plunkett is dead! Holy shit, my friend had died!
I spoke to our mutual friends on FB, even they didn't know about this. I hated to know what happened to Plunkett on January the 23rd of 2009-- according to the SSDI, his death was verified meaning that a family member or someone acting as a family member claimed him--or identified him. He might have been dead for awhile before he was identified. He might have fell of the wagon- drank himself to death, or keeled over in an alley somewhere. Either way, Plunkett died two and a half years with no knowledge to us. We all thought he would just pop up, but it wasn't that way. None of us were there to send him off-- no proper funeral, no proper mourners, he had most likely died alone.
I had wrote about death before and the thing is, no one can really explain it. People see it in many ways. This could have been a wake up call for some of us about how we deal with the past and addiction is not a way to deal. This could be a tale about dealing with anger the wrong way. But Plunkett was not a moral tale, he was a man and a damned funny one at that! I can make promises to pour a pitcherful of beer over his grave, but maybe someone can or had beat me to it. Even though Diet Coke would be more appropos for Plunkett since he fought alcoholism. Either way, Plunkett is meshed into the lives of his friends like a patchwork quilt. In retrospect-- I would wonder at what would Plunkett would say if his spirit was next to me. He would most likely say "I'm dead, get the fuck over it, Chuckles!"

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dammit, It's Valentine's Day!

I guess it's getting close to that time of the year; I just got all my W2 forms from my multiple jobs and everything to prepare for my return this year. I like to get my taxes back soon so I can get some hard needed cashola. I mean I gotta do something since April 15th is around the corner. Oh wait a second, something else comes first Easter, right? Oh of course, Ash Wednesday and the crazy party before it. I looove Mardi Gras. But isn't St. Patty's day also close by? I mean there are no real fun holidays in Febru... huh what? Valentine's Day? Are you serious? Me? Valentines? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Since I don't have a girlfriend, wife, or any form of female significant other, would it be a big deal? Even if I did, and there were a few Valentine Days in which I was attached, I really don't care for it. Yeah, there's the chocolate and pictures of models wearing heart shaped bras and panties. Though other than the chocolate and the possible sex, what's the big friggin' deal?

Now to some hopeless romantics out there, Valentine's is everything! The problem is Valentine's is not and should not be "the only" romance day out there. Yeah there's Sadie Hawkins' and "the sweetest" days, but that's for men who are too lazy to ask a chick out. In some cases, some psycho chick ends up asking you out. Then you're dumb enough to say "yes" to Psycho Suzy, all of a sudden she's introducing her parents to you, then she's trying to adapt your last name, she moves in your house UNANNOUNCED, then she buys you a purple tuxedo (the ONLY thing she buys you ANYTHING!) and then... you guess the rest.

But back to Valentine's Day being the only romantic day out there. You can be romantic EVERY DAY! Yes, you can give your sweetie pie chocolates on Arbor Day and have unlimited sex. Because "Only God can grow a tree!"-Joyce Kilmer. Arbor Day may not be the only day a man can sport wood, what about holidays like Memorial Day or even Groundhog Day!?! Maybe you can even change the names: "May Day" for example, can be "Lay Day"! In addition, Labor Day can have a whole meaning all to itself!

But, we can all agree, that Valentines Day can be extremely overrated and most of the Valentine days that are well planned don't end up as they're planned to be. Hell, I've seen some relationships go to ka-ka because of a bad Valentine's Day! The only reason why that day is popular is because greeting card companies needed an angle to sell their cards and VOILA! Valentine's Day was born! So blame Hallmark on why you have to go through the perils of this crappy day. Also, name one holiday that is represented by cartoon hearts, heart shaped chocolates, lovey-dovey cards, and NAKED LITTLE BOYS! WTF? Okay, they're called "cupids", but you ever noticed they look pasty, act effeminate, have curious little smiles and point arrows at people. Plus they fly in the air with little fluffy pink and white wings in all their "naked little boy-ness". Is this a holiday or one of Michael Jackson's alleged fantasies? Also, shouldn't we have a day off on Valentines Day? I mean if you give little Valentine cards to random people including the mailman and the cat, then you sing Air Supply off key, and wear a shirt of blouse that has little hearts on it, and you want a naked little boy to shoot an arrow through your heart (so you can fall in love), you DON'T NEED TO GO TO WORK! Actually you need to stay the frick indoors if you're that zoned out over the holiday.

All the cheesy-ness and creepiness aside, can we just take advice from Public Enemy and "Don't Believe The Hype (the sequel)"? Can we see the day for it's minimalism and make that day special on the terms of yourself and your significant other and not what some jive card company says? In any case, if you are blessed with the one you love, Valentines Day should be celebrated EVERYDAY! Now for miserable single people like myself, we should not feel sorry for ourselves over it. Isn't loving YOURSELF still considered love? Just because "Cindy in Accounting" has turned you down for the umpteenth time, doesn't mean you should hate yourself. Hell, give YOURSELF some chocolate, do something fun for YOURSELF, YOU CAN EVEN GIVE YOURSELF A BUBBLE BATH IF YOU WISH (just keep it between yourself and the rubber ducky). And if you see naked little boys shooting arrows at you call 911 and inform your local DSS or CPS and ATF (b/c aren't bows & arrows considered "firearms"?). And let's say, you DO go on a date with "Cindy from Accounting" on Valentines Day, treat it like a normal date. If you get lucky, that's cool -- just don't wear the boxers with the little hearts on them!

Anyway, see the holiday as it suits you, and for you "hopeless romantics" out there, just don't get too obnoxious, or at least stay the hell away from people like me! Well, I know what I'm gonna do, watch some good movies like the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre", but that's just me! So no matter what you feel about Valentine's Day; hate it, love it-- the best thing to do is just LIVE WITH IT!